friends.

I've been meaning to post about this subject a long long time ago, but I never felt the urge to write it down.

Anyways, I know this person who doesn't believe in the notion of friends. His belief stems down to an incident that occurred in his childhood. His family was betrayed by their "friend". This betrayal could have resulted to the loss of his family's life, including his own. Therefore, growing up, he didn't believe in the connection that is labeled 'friendship'. Any emotion or feelings he had for this relationship has been severed.

My friend does have friends. But they're only people who he hangs out with to have a good time. People who he socialises with. People who he works with. By the sound of it, no one has ever been able to break down the wall he has erected. And to this day, he is still very cautious with his relationship with others.

After learning all of this about him, I took a look at my own relationships.

In many ways, I think my relationship with people are like that. I have people who I can hang out with but never truly call them my friend. I have people who I can spend time with but it wouldn't matter to me if I don't speak with them for long periods of time. Then there are people who are in my 'friendship circle' - people who I usually go out with. And then there are people who I would consider 'close friends'.

But within all these categories, with all the friends that I may have, I don't think I'm really open with any of them. Even with Kim and Anna.

Sigh, I don't know how to continue this post. Probably because I don't really know what I'm trying to say after what I wrote.

My thoughts contradict me sometimes. When I'm with my friends, I don't really think about this stuff. I usually think - 'it's great to have friends, to share with them this moment in time, to be with someone that makes me feel comfortable and allows me to be free and fun'. However, when I'm alone without being in contact with anyone, this is what I think - 'I'm a loner and I can function as one.'

And here's the thing, I don't think I'm a great friend to begin with.